Bless you, August – you google like no other! 

Novak on those horrible Democrats waiting for Strom Thurmond to die so they can take over the Senate.

Orrin Hatch on those horrible Democrats waiting for Strom Thurmond to die so they can take over the Senate.

NewsMax on Hillary Clinton trying to kill Strom Thurmond so Democrats can take over the Senate.

FreeRepublic on Democrats trying to kill Strom Thurmond so Democrats can take over the Senate.

Novak, back for more, on how Jeffords joined the Democrats to help them wait for Strom Thurmond to die so they can take over the Senate. 

This literally took me ten minutes. Are the pundits really all this stupid? 

Yes, August.  Yes they are.  Meanwhile, FOX News was temporarily shut down today as HazMat teams were call in to clean up an unusual amount of drool.  In a completely unrelated story, the office of the Senate Majority Leadership has placed a large order for Haynes boxer briefs.

Ever wonder exactly where your tax dollars are being spent?  Well the good folks at TheBudgetGraph.com have put together this easy to read, visual representation for your depressing perusal.  The chart is divided into military and national defense spending (64%, $633 Billion) and non-military spending (36% $350 Billion).  You know, just in case you were confused about where this administration’s priorities lie. 

Either way, the Democrats left Bush a record windfall, and now they’re inheriting a financial mess.

First Burger King tells us that if you don’t eat meat, you’re gay. Then McDonald’s follows suit. Now, Wingnut Central brings to the new existential threat to John Wayne’s Legacy:

There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a "health food," one of our most popular.

Now, I'm a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it's organic. I state my bias here just so you'll know I'm not anti-health food.

The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.

[collection of unintelligible and undocumented pseudo-science masquerading as fact]

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

In a completely unrelated story, admitted Morningstar Vegetarian Burger lover, Reverend Paul Barnes of Grace Chapel Megachurch, resigns over admission of homosexuality.

The election is over, the votes have been tallied, and the results are in.  After six years, the vast sacrifice of life and influence, your federal government proudly unveils – our new slogan! 

So while Bush may not like any of the Group's 79 proposals (so impractical and unrealistic), he's ready to adopt its slogan, "New Way Forward." Newsweek says that next week "Bush is expected to announce what he calls 'The New Way Forward,' his latest plan to salvage the mission in Iraq." 

Of course, that's been the problem during this entire fiasco -- the substitution of rhetoric for policy -- the belief, even at this late date, that reality can be changed simply by changing the language used to describe it. Bush makes a big show of his religious faith, but what's truly impressive is his incredible faith in the power of PR, and, accordingly, his lack of faith in the American people. 

Bush is starting to remind me of O’ Brother Where Art Thou’s crotchety old governor, Pappy O’Daniel.  He just got his ass handed to him in the last election’s reform ticket and his sycophant’s got an idea on how to get his groove back: 

PAPPY:   Languishing! Goddamn campaign is languishing! We need a shot inna arm!  Hear me, boys? Inna goddamn ARM!  Election held tomorra, that sonofabitch Stokes would win it in a walk!

JUNIOR: Well he's the reform candidate, Daddy.

PAPPY: (narrows his eyes at him, wondering what he's getting at) ...Yeah?

JUNIOR: Well people like that reform. Maybe we should get us some.

PAPPY: (whips off his hat and slaps at Junior with it)  I'll reform you, you soft-headed sonofabitch! How we gonna run reform when we're the damn incumbent! 

Well Pappy Bush, it’s easy – adopt your opponent’s reform and pretend it was your idea the entire time!  Oh, and being steeped in old-time gospel music couldn't hurt.