Blogs

19 Jun

The New 1% Doctrine

As far as I can tell, the Hindenburg pilots masquerading as our executive branch have two goals for media management on Iraq. First and foremost, they must convince us that we are facing a viable and imminent existential threat. But of no less importance, they must also demonstrate that they and they alone can guarantee our collective salvation. Of course, one can’t but help notice that such aims are mutually exclusive – with the success of one, our naked emperor loses the other by default.

Yet balanced efficiently, Jonestown the American people have historically proven willing to cede virtually unlimited authority. Anyone caught paying attention will have noticed an administration quite adept at maintaining such an equilibrium. Sure, it was rocky there for a while with Iraq galloping toward civil war, but it seems our darling Machiavelli’s have found a way to accomplish both aims in one swoop – arrest some flaming idiots and call them terrorists (deepest apologies to Signore Machiavelli for comparing him to our president).

The most recent, of course, is the JFK plot which most experts found laughable. But kudos to Schneier for reminding us to rejoice in our other great victories, such as the six morons who planned to attack Fort Dix disguised as pizza boys (caught while developing a home movie of the plan), the so-called Miami 7 who planned to blow up the Sears tower “with no weapons, no bombs, no expertise, no money and no operational skill and Iyman Faris, the Ohio trucker who was convicted in 2003 for the laughable plot to take out the Brooklyn Bridge with a blowtorch.”

Evil, perverse, and categorically brilliant! And unfortunately for Dear Leader, no longer enough to polish the stains off of his war. Because no matter how many incompetent boobs we arrest or entrap, this is how far we have come under five years of Bush’s stewardship:

Up to 10,000 U.S. soldiers spearheaded by armored vehicles and covered by helicopter gunships fought their way into an al Qaeda haven in Iraq Tuesday, killing at least 22 extremist fighters, the military said.

Operation Arrowhead Ripper, involving Strykers and Bradley Fighting Vehicles was aimed at smashing al Qaeda operations around Baquba, a hotbed of unrest north of Baghdad, a military statement said.

"The end state is to destroy the al Qaeda influences in this province and eliminate their threat against the people," said Brig. Gen. Mick Bednarek of the 25th Infantry Division.

Nothing spells headlines like a large troop mobilization. But let’s take a step back and look at the math. Ground troops are generally allocated based on a 3:1 ratio which can sometimes go as high as 10:1 depending on external variables. For a dispatch of this magnitude, we can safely assume that some fairly sound intelligence produced estimates of between 1,000 and 3,000 insurgents to be active in the region. For the sake of fairness, let’s split the difference and call it 2,000. So basically, with a 5 to 1 troop advantage aided by armored vehicles and air support, the most advanced military force in world history was able to take out somewhere in the neighborhood of one percent of their target.

With an executive so adept at balancing progress and threat within the media, somehow their reptilian brains can’t grasp that whatever influence al-Qaeda holds is likewise predicated upon convincing Iraqis they are the only bulwark against an existential threat from Western brutality. The idiocy of sending a battalion of centurions to prove them right is exceeded only by the fact that they didn’t even pull it off. And therein lies the great tragedy of leadership – after all this time, they’re still trying to quell an insurgency as though it were purely a mathematical composite.

In a country where malnourished soldiers with rags on their feet repelled the full might of the British Empire, you’d think we’d have figured it out by now.

18 Jun

hehe, tear-rists r' dumb

I’ve made the argument on this site and elsewhere that TSA frivolities, such as forcing passengers to remover their shoes, are inherently racist policies.  And I’m not talking about the overt racism involved in passenger profiling, but rather the pervasive belief that terrorists – i.e. ‘brown people’ – have the mental faculties of split-pea soup.  Because only a green, semi-viscous goo would lack the creativity to hide explosives somewhere else like, say, their rectum. 

Well, Bruce Schneier has posted an excellent article today pointing out that maybe I am taking the wrong perspective.  If the government and the media seem convinced that every inept and implausible plot by wannabe terrorists presents represents a narrowly-averted catastrophe, maybe terrorists are, in fact, quite stupid.  Of course, if this is the case, then what are we afraid of?

12 Jun

Good Morning America

Dear readers, your moderator has returned, several shades darker and infinitely lazier, but fully committed to the permanent affixation of the Jay derriere (or ‘Jerriere’) to my aging office chair and surrendering to my dissertational home stretch.

USA drowning truckA usual, my hiatus in the USA was no less profound than a first-class ticket through the state of irony. Roman orgy buffets, endless highways, and 24-hour shopping are things for which we can all be grateful. Yet while there were noticeably fewer Bush-heads in the mix (good morning America, and welcome back), if we are to believe the vacuous media outlets, very little of this has translated into action. Gonzales has survived, immigration reform is a disaster, and environmental protection still dons the tattered cloak of empty rhetoric. But on the bright side, everyone seems well informed when it comes to the incarceration of our favorite ditzy heiress.

Bottom line is that traveling inevitably thickens the walls of my blissfully ignorant protective barrier against current events, and when the occasional promenade down News Avenue comes from the MSM, it will take some time to sift through the disinformation and self-interest before I can reclaim my grasp of Reality. Thus, in true THF tradition, I will beg your continued forgiveness if posting is somewhat light at first. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with what is sure to be the most important story of the month - Britney Spears courageously, and without regard for her own personal safety, has saved an elderly couple from certain death by jellyfish.

08 May

Palm trees and politics are mutually exclusive!

Light posting continues into the second week as your friendly moderator hightails it outta here. I'll be spending the next few weeks in the States enjoying a potent combination of palm trees and tacos as I quietly welcome my 33rd birthday.

 But ... if you keep checking back, I promise to throw you a bone once in a while!

Bon courage mes amis!

03 May

Eat me!

Apologies for the light posting this week.  I am alive, but trapped in an ADHD-addled spiral of web coding.  In the meantime, check out Suicide Food - a blog for corporate animal icons who eagerly facilitate their own demise!

30 Apr

The federal government is tracking your prescription medications

Among all the shock and awe reporting on Virginia Tech, I almost missed this revelation from ABC news that the federal government is keeping records of what prescription medications Americans are taking: 

Some news accounts have suggested that Cho had a history of antidepressant use, but senior federal officials tell ABC News that they can find no record of such medication in the government's files. This does not completely rule out prescription drug use, including samples from a physician, drugs obtained through illegal Internet sources, or a gap in the federal database, but the sources say theirs is a reasonably complete search.

 I don’t have time to do any research today.  So can somebody explain to me exactly when, and under whose authority, the federal government began keeping tabs on our private medical records?

27 Apr

VideoVet Friday

VideoVets: John Bruhns

Which VideoVets video should be a TV ad? Vote at http://pol.moveon.org/videovets

26 Apr

VideoVet Thursday

VideoVets: Andrew Horne

Which VideoVets video should be a TV ad? Vote at http://pol.moveon.org/videovets

26 Apr

Chuck Norris blames himself for VA Tech

Chuck Norris is so much more than a beard, he has feelings and opinions and everything: 

Though one can point to Cho's own psychotic behavior and our graphic slasher media as potential contributors to his deplorable murder spree, we must also hesitate to consider how we as a society are possibly contributing to the growth of these academic killing fields. I believe those who wield the baton of the secular progressive agenda bear significant responsibility for the escalation of school shootings. Even conservatives who refuse to speak when evil flourishes must acknowledge some culpability.

…

If we are ever to restore civility in our land and our schools, we must turn back the clocks to a time when such shocking crimes didn't even exist – when we valued life and respected one another much more then we do today. We must use the Bible (humanity's blueprint for life and ''bluebook'' for value) to retrain our youth about theirs and others' value as children of God, made in His image. 

Umm, you mean like those happy, carefree days of the crusades, plagues, infanticide, and the crucifixion?  And seriously, as if we haven’t had enough lame scapegoating for Cho’s murderous breakdown, now we have Norris – a dude who got rich beating the crap out of people for the camera – lecture us on the evils of a “progressive secular media”?? 

In a related story, after submitting the article, Norris was said to have gone home to make a phone call.  To the Kettle.  Just to let him know he was black.

26 Apr

Poor Laura, nobody suffers over Iraq more than her and hubby

Right, tell that to some poor kid who lost both his legs or the mom who watched her daughter die in her arms.  Shay-hay-hay-hame on you, Laura!!