While I normally refrain from the national obsession over vacuous heiresses (with the occasional exception), I’m feeling particularly saucy today and with all the world peace and free cotton candy for all, there really isn’t much else newsworthy. So, in honor of Paris’s release, I give you a double-ring Freaks and Geeks Par-escapade. Let us begin our trail of oddities with the soon-to-be-unemployed mainstream journalist who dared shred the princess diaries:

If you will now join me stage right, we have the postmodern delight of the single greatest resignation in media history: 

And finally, if you direct your attention to the center stage, we bring you an exclusive sneak preview of Paris’s interview with Larry King: