I will be on brief hiatus until next week so I can spend the weekend half-naked laughing it up with a nice man in pajamas and latex gloves who will insert a very sharp knife into my face: 

Septoplasty is a corrective surgical procedure done to straighten the nasal septum - the partition between the two nasal cavities. Ideally, the septum should run down the center of the nose. When it deviates into one of the cavities, it narrows that cavity and impedes airflow. Nasal obstructions caused by serious deviations frequently lead to chronic sinus problems. Turbinate reduction may also be advised to further enlarge the nasal cavities. Most surgeries are completed in 90 minutes or less, not including recovery time. 

Because the deviation is a result of a cartilage surplus, the procedure usually involves an excision of a portion of that tissue. Under general or local anesthesia, the surgeon works through the nostrils, making an incision in the lining of the septum to reach the cartilage targeted in the operation. Before the crooked portions of the cartilage can be excised, the cartilage must first be separated from the bony structures beneath it. After excess cartilage has been taken out, the septum may then be secured to the bone with small plastic elements, splints, or sutures. 

Ahh, good times!  If there is any room in my busy holiday schedule, I may even follow it up by treating myself to an acid bath and a new barbed cilice.  And maybe some Jell-O.

In any case, I and my newfound oxygen surplus will return next week.