Finally, a man of vision and diplomacy

In light of today's revelation of McCain's solution [1] to all the world's problems, I present the following:

My Escape  - A Short Story by John McCain

Captain John McCain lays sweating and panting in a Vietnamese bamboo prison. A savage looking man in military fatigues has his testicles and nipples hooked up to a car battery. The acrid smell of burnt flesh lingers in the stale air. "So Yank," he says, "are you ready to sing?"

Wracked with pain and tears streaming down his face, McCain watches in horror as his captor moves once again to connect the battery circuit. But as he braces for another shock, a smile suddenly spreads across his lips because, finally, he knows exactly how to escape. With a determined scowl, he quickly springs into action and bellows to the heavens, "STOP. THE. BULLSHIT!"

The VC, a cigarette dangling from his lip suddenly pauses.  "I, uh," he stammers.  "Oh my god, what am I doing?"  His eyes soften as a single tear rolls down his cheek and onto the jungle floor. Without another word, he unclips the victorious Captain and releases him from his restraints. As McCain stands, the VC immediately drops to his knees, his head prostrate in a solemn bow. "Please," he whispers between sobs, "please forgive me."

McCain slowly, grudgingly uncurls his fist and lays a gentle hand upon the VC's shoulder. Though no word was spoken, his warm touch let the man know that all was forgiven. Breathless, the two grasp one another in a long embrace, as though they had been brothers all their lives.

After what seemed like an eternity of tears, the two walked hand in hand to the Ho Chi Minh's quarters.  "Hey Ho Chi," said the two. "It's all over now." The embittered leader looked from one to the other in shock, then dismay, and finally acceptance.

"Gentleman," he said.  Come with me, I have something to show you."  Ho Chi Minh opened a flap in the back of his tent to reveal a cotton candy machine.  "It's my own special recipe!"

The three lay back as they stuffed their pink mouths with all the sweet candy goodness they could stand.  "Wow," said McCain.  "I feel like I might burst!"

Ho Chi Minh smiled.  "Well, you better get a grip, because I have ponies! And after that we can ride the Ferris wheel. And after that, I have a big balloon that we can fly all the way to the moon! And after that..."

McCain's tittering giggles cut him off.  "It's finally happened," he cried. "God bless us, good sirs. God bless us every one!"

The End

[2]