How Bill O'Reilly won the war

Ah, erudite pontificator, prognosticator of pragmatic power, sagacious seer of sanguine solutions – lo, thy name be O’Reilly [1]:

O’Reilly: Now to me, they’re not fighting it hard enough. See, if I’m president, I got probably another 50-60 thousand with orders to shoot on sight anybody violating curfews. Shoot them on sight. That’s me… President O’Reilly… Curfew in Ramadi, seven o’clock at night. You’re on the street? You’re dead. I shoot you right between the eyes. Ok? That’s how I run that country. Just like Saddam ran it. Saddam didn’t have explosions - he didn’t have bombers. Did he? because if you got out of line, you’re dead.

Now… is that the kind of country I want to have for Iraq? No… But you have to have that for a few months to stabilize the situation so the Iraqi government can get organized, can get security in place and can get the structure going.

What else is there to say but 'Bravo my good sir.' I mean, sissy-boy McCain offered mere words [2] for solving this crisis. But you. You know that the best way to get people to stop fighting is to shoot them all dead in the street. Kill. Kill. Blood makes the grass grow. And the good lord knows the desert could use it.

If a woman goes into labor after curfew, then she should toughen up like Americans and hold it in until morning. Serves her right for reproducing anyway, the world is already too crowded with brown people. When the mischievous Iraqi children sneak out on a cool, moonless night - blast them! Iraqi children only grow into Iraqi terrorists anyway. If two lovers are out for a pre-dawn stroll in downtown Baghdad, kill 'em! Better get rid of them now before they make more children to kill. Saving ammunition is just good fiscal responsibility.

Bottom line: dead Iraqi's don't put up much of a fight. May your glorious insight reign supreme, President O'Reilly!